This Is What Racism Looks Like: Policing My Paycheck, My Joy, and My Humanity

There is a particular kind of scrutiny that women of color in leadership know intimately.

It is not curiosity.

It is not concern.

And it is certainly not accountability.

It is surveillance.

I’ve been sitting with the reality that screenshots of my salary at the Equity in Education Coalition (EEC) — alongside screenshots pulled from my personal Facebook and Instagram showing the material things I buy myself — were circulated and weaponized as “evidence.”

Evidence of what, exactly?

That I earned money.

That I spent it.

That I enjoyed it.

That I refused to perform scarcity to make others comfortable.

Let’s be clear and unambiguous: this is racism.

Transparency Is About Systems. Surveillance Is About Control.

Transparency asks whether systems are functioning as intended.

Surveillance fixates on whether a woman of color is behaving acceptably.

Transparency looks at budgets, governance, approvals, audits.

Surveillance screenshots Instagram stories.

What happened to me was not fiscal oversight. It was racialized suspicion — the deeply embedded belief that when a woman of color has money, comfort, or joy, something must be wrong.

White leaders are assumed deserving.

White leaders are assumed competent.

White leaders are assumed to have earned their pay.

Women of color are assumed suspect.

My Salary Is Not a Moral Failing -- And Nonprofit Work is Not a Vow of Poverty

Let’s address something head-on that too many people are afraid to say out loud:

Working at a nonprofit does not mean agreeing to be underpaid.

Nonprofit work is work.

Nonprofits are a business with a specific tax-status.

Leadership is labor.

Expertise deserves compensation.

My compensation was approved.

It was documented.

It reflected experience, expertise, and responsibility.

And yet, it was extracted from context and presented as something shameful — as if leadership pay becomes unethical the moment the leader is a woman of color.

This belief — that nonprofit staff should survive on sacrifice, gratitude, and good intentions — is itself deeply exploitative.

Nonprofit professionals:

• manage multimillion-dollar budgets

• deliver essential public services

• fill gaps created by government failure

• carry trauma, responsibility, and community trust

They deserve living wages. Full stop.

Expecting nonprofit leaders — especially women of color — to be underpaid, overworked, and eternally grateful is not virtue.

It is extraction dressed up as altruism.

Let me say this plainly:

Paying women of color fairly is not misuse of funds. It is justice.

What is unethical is expecting women of color to:

• lead complex, statewide work

• manage multimillion-dollar initiatives

• absorb institutional harm

• carry communities on their backs

…while being grateful for underpayment.

The Policing of Joy Is the Point

What disturbed me most was not just the fixation on my salary — it was the obsession with my personal life.

My clothes.

My purchases.

My moments of pleasure.

My joy.

This idea — that a woman of color must perform restraint, humility, and scarcity in order to be seen as legitimate — is one of the oldest tools of racial control we have.

We are allowed to struggle publicly.

We are allowed to sacrifice visibly.

But the moment we experience comfort or beauty, the questions begin:

How dare she?

Where did she get that?

Should she really be spending like that?

This is not accountability.

This is punishment for refusing to stay small.

This Isn’t Just Me — Look at What They Did to Rama Duwaji

If anyone still wants to pretend this behavior is about “standards,” look at what happened recently in New York.

The New York Post published an article obsessing over the fact that Rama Duwaji, the wife of New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani, wore a pair of $630 boots to her husband’s swearing-in ceremony.

Not policy.

Not governance.

Not corruption.

Boots.

A woman’s shoes were framed as ideological evidence — proof of hypocrisy, excess, or moral failure — because her husband espouses democratic socialist values.

Let’s say this clearly:

No one screenshots white men’s wardrobes to interrogate their politics.

No one audits their spouses’ closets.

No one suggests their enjoyment of luxury disqualifies them from public service.

But when a woman — especially a woman of color — occupies public space without apology, her body and possessions become fair game.

That article wasn’t journalism.

It was gendered, racialized policing disguised as commentary.

And it mirrors exactly what I experienced.

This Is Respectability Politics in Spreadsheet Form

Respectability politics demand that marginalized leaders prove their worth through restraint and self-denial.

Be committed — but not compensated.

Be visible — but not comfortable.

Be successful — but not too successful.

When screenshots of my life were used to undermine my credibility, the message was clear:

A woman of color who is paid well, enjoys beauty, and does not apologize is dangerous.

And yes — to systems built on control, she is.

The Double Standard Is the Design

No one:

• screenshots white male executives’ vacations

• circulates photos of their watches

• suggests their salary is evidence of wrongdoing

That scrutiny is reserved for people whose success disrupts racial hierarchies.

This is not accidental.

It is structural.

I Will Not Shrink

I will not apologize for being paid fairly.

I will not justify buying beautiful things with money I earned.I will not perform deprivation to soothe other people’s discomfort.

My joy is not evidence.

My paycheck is not a crime.

My life is not up for review.

To Other Women of Color in Leadership

If you are being watched more closely than your peers…If your spending is questioned when others’ never is…If your success is treated like suspicion instead of achievement…

Please hear this:

You are not the problem.

You are navigating systems that still believe your humanity requires permission.

It doesn’t.

We do not dismantle racism by complying with it.We dismantle it by naming it — clearly, loudly, and without apology.

And I will continue to do exactly that.